So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
