Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
