I got chris browned last night
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
