Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My penis needs a shock collar
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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