South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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