he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
