Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize