I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
