those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
