i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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