Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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