Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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