You can't motorboat a personality
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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