apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
