just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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