I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
