Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
