I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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