U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I smell stomach acid.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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