but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
