dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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