Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
