yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
