I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
