...so i touched it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
