he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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