What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
