well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
