i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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