Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
