he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
