my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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