Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
