Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
