yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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