just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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