So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
