Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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