Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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