I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Damn victory sex feels great
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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