Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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