Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
