plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
