I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
