we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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