First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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