We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
