An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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