do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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