I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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