I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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