i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
