He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
