he wants to bone in the snuggie
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
