I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize