Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
