So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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