Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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