so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
