he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
