My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
