Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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