who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
foreskin is a definite game changer
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
