im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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