You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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