So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think i peed on brittanys purse
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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